Why is it so hard yet so enjoyable? It's especially hard for a control freak like myself. I struggle and when I struggle, I struggle hard. I try super hard to have a good attitude, put a smile on my face, but sometimes it's darn near impossible. Apparently I'm not trying hard enough. Why does it seem that troubles all come at once? I wish we didn't have to struggle financially. I wish I didn't have to work. I wish I didn't have to work so hard at losing weight. I wish I wasn't balding. Yes, I really am and have been since the age of 24. It sucks!
Sometimes I wish I could just erase everything and just start with a clean slate. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't trade my husband or kids for anything, but other choices I/we made I would. It's so easy to compare yourself to others and I hate that! I should count my blessings that I have a family and that they love me as much as I love them, that we have a house, and that I live in an amazing country. But, instead, I look at my neighbors and see all the moms that get to stay home with their kids. I see all the nice cars, boats, trailors, etc. I see the skinny moms in the neighborhood and wonder why I wasn't given those genes. I know that's not what life is about, but sometimes it seems to be. This isn't meant to be a pity party for me. I promise. I have a blog for me and writing is one of the ways that I cope.
I realize I'm not the only one that struggles. I know everybody has their own kinds of battles. We're all on this ride we call life. It's just not a fun one all the time and I want it to be. That's where the control freak part of me comes out. I don't like it when things are out of place, messy. And that's how I feel my life is right now. I want my life to go according to how I planned and it's just not. I guess that's where the Lord comes in. He has a plan for me. I just don't know what it is. And that's what is hard.